How 50 Shades of Grey Supports Rape and Abuse, Not BDSM

“Christ, Ana!” He bangs his fist on the table, making me jump, and stands so abruptly he almost knocks the dining chair over. “You have one thing, one thing to remember. Shit! I don’t fucking believe it. How could you be so stupid?”

 “NO, please. I can’t do this, not now. I need some time. Please.”
“Oh Ana, don’t over think this.”
“No,” I protest, trying to kick him off.
He stops. “If you struggle, I’ll tie your feet too. If you make a noise, I will gag you.”
“Alaska is very cold and no place to run. I would find you. I can track your cell phone – remember?”
He narrows his eyes, and then seems to remember himself. Releasing my hand, he takes my elbow and leads me out of the room. “This conversation is not over,” he whispers threateningly.
“You need to learn to manage my expectations. I am not a patient man.”
He’d probably like to beat seven shades of shit out of me. The thought is depressing. 
“So you felt demeaned, debased, abused and assaulted – how very Tess Durbeyfield of you. I believe it was you who decided on the debasement if i remember correctly. Do you really feel like this or do you think you ought to feel like this? Two very different things. If that is how you feel, do you think you could just try and embrace these feelings, deal with them, for me? That’s what a submissive would do.” 

He is abusive. He is a stalker. He is manipulative. He ignores safe words. He ignores the lack of consent. He is controlling. He is overly-jealous. He is threatening. He is abusive.

He is Christian Grey, the man women all over have been swooning over since the first Fifty Shades book was published. Do these quotes not scare you, make you think twice about the gorgeous man about to hit the big screens in the upcoming film so close to Valentine’s Day?

 Just the fact that he tells Anastasia “I like having control over every aspect of my life” is a HUGE red flag. That is a sign of a controlling, abusive person. It seems so obvious, but most people in real life probably wouldn’t think twice about that statement, and that is scary.

Psychological abuse can look like:

Humiliating or embarrassing you. -he treats her like a child in front of her family, friends, and employees

Refusing to communicate. – He ignores her and/or refuses to talk about things. He only talks when he wants to

Ignoring or excluding you. – Like above.

Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice.- The tone of voice he used would solely scare her half-to-death

Unreasonable jealousy.- He would not let her hang out with friends, especially if they were male.

Extreme moodiness.– One moment he would seem almost loving and then the next be as cold as ice.

Mean jokes or constantly making fun of you.– he was constantly telling her how stupid and/or weak she was

Saying things like “If you don’t _____, I will_____.”– he would hang punishments over her head (like time in the red room) to get her to cooperate and do exactly what he wanted

Domination and control.– EVERYTHING. ABOUT. HIM.

Withdrawal of affection.– If she did anything wrong, even the smallest thing, he would refuse to interact, basically shutting down.

Guilt trips.– He would always bring up things he didn’t like or things she did to guilt her into doing things his way

Making everything your fault.– He always reminded her that she couldn’t do anything right.

Isolating you from friends and family.– She changed so much that even her housemate stopped talking to her. He also refused to let her see her own mother when it wasn’t under his terms or supervision.

Using money to control.– He bought her lots of expensive stuff and then got mad when she refused it or didn’t like it

Constant calling or texting when you when you are not with eachother – He had to constantly email and text her when they weren’t together, and got extremely mad when she didn’t answer right away

15 out of 21 signs of an abusive relationship is Christian Grey.

Anyone who tries to argue against this is romanticizing abusive behavior.

There are young people (i would say mainly women but this applies to men too) who are interested in the BDSM lifestyle, and THIS is now what they will think is acceptable. IT’S NOT. Please please please do your research and understand that this is not an accurate portrayal of BDSM at all. Please please please understand the signs of abuse and if you are in an abusive relationship or think you are, GET OUT OF IT RIGHT AWAY AND GET SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP. Being in an abusive relationship can cause so much emotional damage and is extremely dangerous.

Please stop making excuses for his abuse. 

Anyone can be an abuser. Any gender, sexual orientation, race etc.
Don’t stand by and let it happen.

And most of all, PLEASE BE SAFE.

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