How to Say Goodbye

This is How to Say

Goodbye to something you can’t let go.

This is how to cope, how to build a

bomb shelter for your soul.

This is 14 lines from love letters or suicide notes

and you can’t tell the difference

because they are one and the same.

There is no difference between heartbreak and murder.

Because it kills you. Because

you are a different person after, with gaping

chunks ripped out of your body. You are still alive

but you are bleeding

and bleeding and no one sees the red stains it makes.

This is crying at public parties and during

class. You are reading The Count of Monte Cristo,

but you are not Dantes

and you cannot take revenge on everything

that did or didn’t happen to you. Trying

will only lead to your own self

destruction.

This is destroying yourself

over and

over

and over again even though it doesn’t work

and it doesn’t change

the fact that it still happened.

This is crying months later

years later

because it is still happening.

Just because one day someone is

gone

doesn’t erase the fact that every

day you will relive every detail

of how they left.

How the world came to be

and then gave up,

came crashing down

in a hurricane of sound

and bloody hands and

crushed limbs and

re-opened scars and bleeding out.

This is living in spite of yourself.

This is a beautiful lie that you keep telling yourself

every day

because being alive is one more day you are not

rotting in the ground with dirt and flowers

above your head.

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