This is How to Say
Goodbye to something you can’t let go.
This is how to cope, how to build a
bomb shelter for your soul.
This is 14 lines from love letters or suicide notes
and you can’t tell the difference
because they are one and the same.
There is no difference between heartbreak and murder.
Because it kills you. Because
you are a different person after, with gaping
chunks ripped out of your body. You are still alive
but you are bleeding
and bleeding and no one sees the red stains it makes.
This is crying at public parties and during
class. You are reading The Count of Monte Cristo,
but you are not Dantes
and you cannot take revenge on everything
that did or didn’t happen to you. Trying
will only lead to your own self
This is destroying yourself
and over again even though it doesn’t work
and it doesn’t change
the fact that it still happened.
This is crying months later
because it is still happening.
Just because one day someone is
doesn’t erase the fact that every
day you will relive every detail
of how they left.
How the world came to be
and then gave up,
came crashing down
in a hurricane of sound
and bloody hands and
crushed limbs and
re-opened scars and bleeding out.
This is living in spite of yourself.
This is a beautiful lie that you keep telling yourself
because being alive is one more day you are not
rotting in the ground with dirt and flowers
above your head.